MOVING FORWARD DESPITE COVID-19 AKA CORONAVIRUS
PART TWO DEALING WITH LOSS
MOVING FORWARD DESPITE CORONAVIRUS AKA COVID-19
PART 2, DEALING WITH THE LOSS.
It’s one thing to say hey we can make it through this, another when we’re dealing with losses due to COVID-19.
Within this past month there have been many displays of anger shown. Many people feel angry because they’ve lost their income and their place of business. Although landlords have been told not to evict people during this time, some have chosen to evict anyway. Small business owners discover they been locked out of their place of business with an eviction notice on the door. This didn’t stop with business, landlords have thrown people out of their homes during an already stressful time.
Food banks have been overrun with many hungry families having no idea where their next meal will come from. While some have gotten their stimulus checks via automatic deposit others still wait anxiously for the relief fund. Many of those still waiting haven’t been able to collect unemployment. Some having problems getting through while others not eligible. Many who aren't eligible like myself, work as independent contractors, or work for themselves. Many who own a self-employed small business not only can’t get unemployment but also can’t get a small business loan. Yes many have fallen through the government cracks of some-type of financial relief.
All over people have been losing their livelihoods as well as their place of business. A business isn’t easy to start up. It takes time and money to get it going. Their blood, sweat, tears and hours, days, weeks, months and even years of their lives went into that business. Getting it started, and building it up. All lost because of the shutdown due to the virus. Lost with no sign of relief coming their way. Then they’re told to wait. They know the longer they wait the greater the loss the more it will take to restart their lives.
I have even seen on the news a woman who owns a hair cutting salon desperate for income. Unable to get unemployment, a small business loan or any other type of relief. She decided to take matters into her own hands. She decided to open up shop even though it’s not allowed at this time. Believing she’s on the right, with customers whose desperate needs for hair cuts willing to take the chance. She has decided to ignore the $1000.oo fine given to her stating I won’t pay it. I’ll fight this, This isn’t right. She also decided to ignore the Cease and Desist order given to her. Disparate to save her business as will as an income she puts it all at risk. As the Governor of the state made it very clear if certain business including her type open at this time their licenses will be permanently revoked. If she continues on she won’t be able to ever open a business in this field again.
While I’m sure you will find those who support her efforts, the news basically showed those whose anger has been provoked due to her efforts. Many who feel anger currently living in the same situation as her. Owning the same type of business as she does state, “It’s not fair if she can open her business and we can’t.” Soon they will see the results of such a decision. If the Government doesn’t step in and shut her down others will start to follow. As those who watch her soon find out, if they do decide to follow her lead they will lose their business forever.
Others feel angry over her decision because they’re aware of the dangers of reopening too soon. They have done their parts to help keep the virus from spreading. They have loved ones they’re concerned about. They don’t want their loved ones to catch the virus with hospitals overflowing with patients. They feel that people like her are selfish and only making the situation worse. As their actions to open too soon will undo the efforts they have put into keeping us below the line therefore flattening the curve.
Where I also feel that human life should come first and will continue to do my part to help flatten the curve. I also don’t want the hospitals to overflow with patients. I want people to be able to come can get the necessary treatment needed. Therefor giving everyone the greatest possible chance to live.
I understand the fear and anguish of those who desperately willing to do what it takes to reopen their business. I understand wanting to get their lives back to normal. I understand the frustration, desperation and even hate they may feel. I don’t have to agree with their actions to understand the reasons behind it.
The Sympathetic Nervous System.
I’ve learned one of the many lessons and sometimes have to repeat learning. When we react out of anger and fear we often overlook the solution. This has to do with the sympathetic nervous system ( flight or flight response.) When the sympathetic nervous system becomes triggered the ability to think beyond immediate action of survival becomes slim to none. If we don’t take time to calm down the sympathetic nervous system we then act without the ability to think of the consequences of our actions. Sometimes that may work for us in immediate emergency situation where time isn’t on our side.
Our bodies have the sympathetic (flight or fight) nervous system for “immediate danger.” Such as being eaten by a tiger or seeing a car come flying down the road towards you.
When we constantly feel continual stress our bodies believe that we’re in constant immediate danger. This puts our health and immune system at risk. During the time our bodies remain in fight or flight mode certain functions of our bodies don’t work very well. This includes our ability to think strait.
I can go on as to why this happens but this will take us away from the point of the article.
Before I move on I want you to understand this. Even though you may feel that your livelihood, your income, and your home remain in danger, it’s not immediate danger. The fight or flight response works with immediate danger of YOUR LIFE.
Your income, business, livelihood,home whatever else you fear losing can be replaced or even avoid the loss all together. First you must be able to THINK CLEARLY.
What does this mean?
For many out there you’re not only at risk of losing your income, home, business, livelihood extra. Perhaps you’ve already lost some or all of those things. You’re also at risk of losing a loved one. That you cannot replace.
The idea of losing a loved one triggers many to feel anger towards those who insist of opening too soon. Many have already lost love ones. For good reasons anger, fear, concern have been triggered all over the place. Yet that anger and fear isn’t solving the problems. A lesson I myself had to relearn during this time.
The good news: many have already figured out how to make things better. They figured out ways to help those in need. They figured out ways to make it work for them. They do this because their minds are fixated not on the problems but on the solution. They work not with fear but with love. They’re either coming up with solutions for problems and/or coming up with ways to ease the stress of others.
MY STORY:
This part of my life I’m about to share with you, talks about a time that I experienced the greatest loss of my life. I will also tell you what got me through it. I will be cutting it short to get to the point.
For many years my husband Tom and I lived in Garland Texas, in a house that never felt like mine. Tom and his late wife bought that house years before we ever met. She passed away in that house. I felt like I’m living in her house. Finally after several years of living there I talked Tom into moving. I wanted a place that felt like mine. At first we moved in with my mother and back and forth in budget suites.
Skip forward a few years:
We found a house to rent in Fort Worth. Tom had chosen to retire early a year prior. (Tom was 13 ½ years older than me) Tom and I planed to live there as he put it a couple of three years. Afterwards we planed to buy a place to live out the rest of our lives together.
At this time I had been looking for a part time job to help hold us over until I built up my business. All of that came to a crashing halt. On June 19 2013, 47 days after we moved into this rental house in Fort Worth, Tom at the age of 64 unexpectedly passed away. I grieved so deeply I wanted to die with him. I couldn’t get a job in time to save the house. 47 days after Tom passed away I had to move out.
Soon after moving out I had to sell the avalanche in order to pay off the car. I loved that truck. Both the car and the truck held special memories for me. I had to make a choice between the two. The car was in Tom’s name. In order to keep it I had to pay it off in full. The truck had been paid for, it took a lot more gas. It only made sense to keep the car, not only was it newer than the truck I would save more money on gas. I also needed some money to get by until I can find an income.
At first I stayed with my mother (again) for a few days. Due to other circumstances that were going on at the time I felt my son needed me more. I moved into my son’s small efficiency apartment. Due to my son’s Aspergers syndrome the managers of the complex felt glad to have someone there to help him. While looking for an income I used the money left over from selling the truck to help out. After finding an income I helped out with the rent, food and electric as well as transportation.
Having job to go to helped to separated us long enough to make this bearable.
A few things I want to note:
Before I moved out of the house we lived in when Tom passed away I wanted to keep that house. I grieved deeply. I wanted to die. Several years prior in January of 1997 my brother took his own life. I remember what that did to the family. I remember the pain it caused all of us especially my mother. I didn’t want to put the family through that, especially my mother and children.
I loved my family so much that even though my life was crashing down before my eyes, I lived for them. Even though I couldn’t see a future for me, I lived for them. Even though I suffered the greatest pain in my life and wanted that pain to end, I lived for them. Even though I was about to be homeless, I lived for them.
I didn’t want to live for me anymore. As for my own life I felt I had nothing to live for. Nothing to look forward too. No real reason to continue. I wanted to be with my beloved Tom. I felt angry, I felt like life screwed me over. I envisioned myself crumbling up all that I believed in and knew like a piece of scrap paper and throwing it away. A part of me felt angry at my family for not being okay with me just dying. I felt that they were being selfish because they would rather I suffer this pain then to let me go. But I still loved them too much to put them through this pain. I chose out of love for my family to suffer through this pain rather than to put them through it.
I did it without a chemical emotional crutch:
My mother came to see me one time while I still lived in that house I knew that I’m about to lose. Amazed Mom asked me how I’m able to go through all of this pain without turning to some sort of crutch to help me through. She said, you’re not drinking any alcohol even though you do have some here. You’re not going back to smoking. You’re not taking any type of medicine or drugs to help you through this. I even turned down a Valium my sister offered me. Although I will admit I felt tempted to take it. Mom looked at me, and asked why haven’t I chosen some type of chemical base emotional crutch. I responded, because as painful as this is, I need to feel it, I need to go through it, I need to experience it. Only by doing so and working it all out will I heal from it.
It’s okay to need help:
Some people say that I’m a strong woman. Many couldn’t have suffered that pain and survive without some-type of prescription and/or counseling to help them through it. At one time in my life I would have had to have the extra help to survive. If someone needs that help, I recommend they go to a professional that can help them as well as to monitor any prescription needed.
What Did I Have?
What did I have? How did I survive losing the love of my life, my income (because I could no longer get Tom’s social security) then my home. After all that I had to sell my truck (something that I had an emotional attachment too) Plus have to give up many things Tom and I bought together before I felt emotionally ready too. How did I do that?
A Friend:
Fortunately I had a facebook friend who recently lost her mother. She understood what I’m going through. We facebook messaged each other. Both of us supporting each other in this emotional time. We even made up a Toilet God named Shitty Deal.
LOVE
I’m not superwoman, my health took a turn for the worst. I even suffered a mild heart attack a year later. I survived because at a time when I felt very little love for my life I loved my family more than myself.
FAMILY
Where in most cases it’s important for us to put ourselves first. In most cases by putting ourselves first we can help others more. However there’s always the exception of the rule. When putting ourselves first can do more harm than good in the long run that changes the rules. Sometimes by putting others before ourselves we help ourselves even more.
DYING OF A BROKEN HEART
When in such despair that we can’t think clearly sometimes it’s time to think of others first. If at The time of Tom’s death I haven’t allowed myself to love my family more than my life. My life at the time I didn’t care for. I probably would have died. I didn’t plan to shoot myself, or anything like that. My health started failing and failing fast. Sometimes I could even feel my sole leaving my body. I even looked up rather or not someone could die of a broken heart. You can it’s called Takotsubo also known as Broken Heart Syndrome. It mimics a heart attack. I had all the symptoms. Yes it’s deadly. (Good news though, the survival rate is greater than that of a heart attack, and easier to heal from.) Yet wanting to die at those moments I would remember my family and choose life.
FIND THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
To this day, I’m grateful I chose life. At times when all seems hopeless, when there’s no apparent reason to continue, when circumstances around us show no evidence of improving, that’s the time to look outside of us. When internal pain mask our internal muse. We can find find solitude when we look at what we still have in our outer surroundings. When we somehow manage to still find things to be grateful for.
LOOK FOR A REASON TO CONTINUE:
I lost the love of my life, I lost the only income I had, I lost my home, I lost my truck, I lost many things that Tom and I bought together. I still had something to live for. I had my family. I had my future, even though I couldn’t see it clearly. My future looked dim. I knew it was there. There’s something else I had to live for. That’s everyone of you. I knew others would suffer in the future. I knew others would be grieving deeply. I knew others would need someone even if they can’t see them or talk with them. Yet in spirit hold their hand and say we can make it through this. You’re not alone, we can do this together.
WORK ON MOVING FORWARD:
The first job I took as a Massage Therapist was at a place I didn’t want to work for. While working there I helped many people even though my life had been falling apart. Even though I needed the income, I walked out of that place of work when I felt they wanted me to cheat my clients. I had to trust that another income would come. I couldn’t in good conscious continue to work for a company that expected me to do something that goes against who I am. I went through a couple of contract jobs before I found a place I felt comfortable in. I stayed there until the woman I contracted with sold the company to a man whose demands went against my internal self. I walked out, just in time because he lost the place. I barely had an income for 3 years. (many weird circumstances different story)
Fortunately at that time I had developed a romantic relationship with an old friend of mine who moved in with me and took over the bills. His jeep broke down so he needed use of my car to go to work.
Finally when he got his jeep fixed I found another income. I held onto that until…. Yep Coronavirus came to play havoc in everyone’s life. Now here I am once again, no income.
I watch on the news as there are many places hiring temporarily for essential jobs because this shutdown has increased their need for extra help. I can’t help but to wonder why so many aren’t willing to take on these jobs until things get better. Worse case scenario they don’t get the old jobs back and this job ends in a couple of months. At least for now they would have an income. Something to help them make it through and perhaps some money to put aside if needed.
I myself am considering taking on one of these jobs if necessary until my business picks up. I don’t like the idea of working for someone else. However sometimes we have to make tough choices when facing tough times. Working for someone else doesn’t go against my values, morals or ethics. It just goes against my grain. Given a choice of working for someone else for a while and not having an income in which can hinder my plans, I will chose to do what it takes to keep moving forward.
It’s important, to think outside the box.
Don’t focus on what you can’t do.
Focus on what you can do.
What goal are you after?
What will it take to reach that goal?
For as long as it doesn't go against your values, ethics and morals, isn’t it better to do what it takes than do nothing and fail.
Ask yourself, what’s more important?
What can I do to make things better?
What consequence or benefits would these actions create?
Think about what the future would be like with each choice you can make.
If you have more to gain than lose, go for it. If you have more to lose than gain stop. If you’re helping to improve the situation go for it. If your actions could make things worse stop, don’t do it.
That’s my advice, you can follow it or not. that’s up to you.
It’s important to be honest with yourself.
Don’t hide your fear and anger, deal with it then let it go.
Focus on your Now.
Focus on what you have.
Focus on what you can do.
Remember this, as corny as this may sound. Love Heals, Love helps you make it though. If you don’t feel you can love yourself enough right now. Love others.
You’re not in this alone.
We’re all in it together.
- Penny
Need help dealing with your anger? I can’t treat mental, emotional or physical illness.
What can I do?
I can help guide you to your inner muse. That inner muse will help you discover your true self.
How does this help you?
When you have something you can do to help you move forward. You have something to look forward too. That helps you to make it through these touch times. It can also end up being a blessing in the long run.
By guiding you to your internal muse, helping you to figure out your true self. Your true purpose or even your new purpose. I help guide you so that with your inner muse you can remove the layers of deception that covers your true self. You do the work, I just help guide you through it. You figure it out, I just help guide you there.
Sometimes it’s difficult to figure things out on our own, we need some type of assistance. That’s what I do. Assist and Guide, not counseling, not therapy, not treating emotional, mental, or physical disorders or illness. Just Assist, and Guide. When you finally meet your internal muse, and follow your internal muse, watch how your life will grow.
NOW is the time to take advantage of the Coronavirus special. It won’t last for long, you will probably never see my prices this low again.
Only $50.oo an hour on any of my phone/video services plus a free 30 minute consultation sessions. Hypnosis services usually cost $197 + and hour, Holistic Life Mentor services usually averages around $150 + an hour. To help relieve the strain and stress placed on your finances during this time, I’ve lowered the price for a short time.
Before ordering make sure you first text 214-624-8522 for your free 30 minute consultation. Once the appointment is confirmed I’ll call you on set date and time. During that time I can learn a little bit about you and we can figure out together the best option for you. During your 30 minute free consultation you have the opportunity to ask any questions you want about my services.
I recorded this Video in March when I decided to start a new YouTube Channel. I thought it would be a nice touch to this blog. Be sure to check out my YouTube Channel at Holistic Liberty.
This video is a good resource for those who want to know more about the fight or flight response and its effect on the immune system.
